When we became parents, there were a ton of things we wished we knew about babies and newborns, so hopefully this post helps new moms, or moms-to-be and if you’re an experienced mom, hopefully you can relate.
Newborns don’t need baths as often as you may think
In the hospital, they give your baby a bath to teach you how to bathe them, all while freaking you about about getting water in their ears during a bath, or about the water being too hot or too cold, or them drowning, etc. But in reality, according to my doctor, they only need a bath once every 4-7 days. Their logic? They don’t do anything to sweat or smell, so they don’t need daily baths.
Newborn pee has dark orange crystals in it
About 2 days after our son was born, we literally thought he was pissing blood. Turns out, they release these deep orange coloured crystals (which look like the colour of blood) in their urine.
Newborn limbs are all stiff and weird
It’s really difficult to straighten your newborn’s limbs. It’s extremely challenging to try and get your baby’s legs into those sleepers with the feet parts because their legs don’t go straight. And when you pull them straight, once you let go, they go back into that fetal position until their muscle memory (or gravity) kicks in and they have better control over their limbs. Also, their arms stay close to their chest and under their chin, totally looks like Mr Burns from The Simpsons.
Newborns have this soft spot on their heads that feels like a bruised peach
Newborn’s have this weird soft spot on the top of their heads, because their skulls haven’t completely formed or closed up or something. When you touch it, it’s literally like touching a bruised peach. Oh, and it pulsates. Totally creepy.
Newborns have white zits on their noses
Well, ours did anyways. It was really weird and you kind of want to just pop them, but you’re supposed to just leave them alone, so I did.
Newborns are really hairy (like with body hair)
Newborns have this “peach fuzz” all over them. I thought my son was going to be super hairy right off the bat. But surprisingly, it disappears after a short period of time.
Newborns have this startle reflex
Newborns have this startle reflex that is like when you’re sleeping and you have that dream like you’re falling and you just jump in your sleep. Well they have that a lot, so bad that it wakes them up and then they get cranky and can’t go back to sleep.
Newborns make weird animal sounds
A few days after we brought our son home from the hospital, he made these really weird sounds in his sleep, where he literally sounded like a billy goat. It was so odd, we even took a recording of it and asked the doctor if it was normal. Apparently it is, so I’m sharing in case you’re wondering the same thing…
Newborns sometimes choke and can easily turn blue
The first time this happened, it scared me so bad I was literally shaking all the way to the clinic. Good thing my husband was calm, cuz I was freaking the f*** out. I was nursing our baby when he choked. He literally turned blue and panic set in. I quickly turned him over and smacked his back to try and help him clear his throat. When we got to the clinic, the doctor said there’s really nothing for them to choke on because they aren’t eating solids, so you just have to help them get the liquid down. As for them turning blue, because their skin is so thin when they’re that young, it’s normal for their colour to be more obvious.
Sometimes, newborns are just assholes
They don’t mean to be, they just don’t know any better. So when they’re crying during their witching hours, you just have to be patient with them. They also will pee all over you, or poop in the bath, or pee immediately after you change them. Probably the best thing to do (in my experience), is to just make sure they have everything they need – they’re fed, dry, and have love/physical human contact.
At the end of the day, newborns are the most amazing thing that will ever happen to you and your family. Unless you have a dog – then the dog becomes second fiddle, and probably isn’t all that amazed with a newborn.